So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The air was thick with penises
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
