We need to rekindle our bromance
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize