I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize