P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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