He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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