and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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