How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
sex in a hospital.. check
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
