He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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