i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
