You're my little dorito
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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