Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is it penis luge time yet?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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