So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
