This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
