Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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