I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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