New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You pole danced in your parka.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
