So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
