saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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