remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
farters have to be the big spoon...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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