Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
