Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
