i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You are a genius and a whore.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
