I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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