Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
