I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
