week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
