He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
