SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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