Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
