True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
