I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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