We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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