My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
