I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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