If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She bit a glass in half.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
