I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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