I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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