I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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