watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
