i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
