Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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