hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
