I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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