I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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