im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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