Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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