Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
