she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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