There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
