thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
