i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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