I skipped work to stalk him.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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