i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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