what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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