Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
