So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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