Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just forgot I was standing up.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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