I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
