and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
