ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
