You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
