She announced her abortion via fbk
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
