Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
