I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize