k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
