while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize