Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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