i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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