remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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