Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
