He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
