You work out of a Hotel?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize