she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
did i just pee glitter
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
