Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
