ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
